Bathroom Anomaly

Weird things happen in the 3rd floor bathroom in building 17 (aka, my work bathroom). I am certain that we either have a very convincing transgender, or a female that likes to stand up to pee. I go into the bathroom at least once a day to discover one of the toilets with the lid up, while the other toilet has the seat down. When I pointed this out to a co-worker, she suggested that perhaps the janitor cleans the bathroom in the middle of the afternoon. At first, I thought that must be the case. After making more observations, I'm not as confident that she is correct.

Observations as to why it isn't the janitor:

1) Wouldn't both toilet lids be up if the janitor had just cleaned?

Perhaps someone had used the other toilet right after the janitor cleaned, thus explaining why one lid is up while the other is down. This leads me to point #2..

2) If the janitor just cleaned, why is there tissue on the floor in the stall with the toilet lid up? Why are there also paper towels all over the floor?

I don't know, maybe our janitor sucks.

3) It's always the same stall at the same time of day. This person has a routine and doesn't like to deviate and use the other stall.

If I ever have a slow day, maybe I'll spend extra time in the hallway and get to the bottom of this matter!

Wait, there's more! The erect seat is not the only anomaly in this bathroom!

There is this drain in the stall with the seat down. (The drain must be the reason why the toilet seat up user prefers the other stall)! The drain STANKS. Honestly, I think poop would smell better than the scent that radiates from this drain. Just the other day, I heard a toilet flush in another bathroom and the smell that came from the drain after that flush almost knocked me out. I haven't smelled something that foul since I worked with pigs. Hopefully one day these mysteries will be solved, until then......

Po-Po Shut Us Down

Once you get away from Houston, people drive fairly slow and cautious in Texas. My drive to work is mostly interstate, with me passing plenty of motorists driving 5 mph above the posted speed limit. I've been told that cops will pull you for doing just that, a measly 5 mph over. I see at least two speed traps a week, if not more. As a person that is notorious for setting my car to cruise at 9 mph over the posted speed limit (I mean, why make people go to court for anything less, right?), this is very disconcerting to me.

Well, I had my first scare on Monday. Here I am, ditty boppin along, doing 70 in a 65 when I see him hiding. Of course, he pulls onto the interstate right after I pass by and I think, "F*@$, I guess I AM going to get a ticket for doing 5 over, perfect." Luckily, this is the conversation that followed:

Officer: Good morning, ma'am, I noticed that you didn't have a front license plate when you passed by.

(I'm thinking, omg, srsly? Oh happy day!)

Me: Yes, sir, I just got these plates and had to order the front mount for my car, but I have the front plate right here! (As I wave the plate and then hand him my fancy temporary paper Texas license and registration).

Officer: Ok, well I'm going to have to run these, if you don't mind. It'll just be a minute.

A minute later.....

Officer: Where are you headed today?

Me: UTMB.

Officer: Well, I'm going to issue you a warning for not being in compliance with the front plate. I noticed your half marathon sticker, which one did you run?

So then we go on to talk about running for a few minutes and he sends me on my merry way.

However, this got me to thinking. In the 13 years that I have been driving, I have been pulled over 6 times, with 4 of those times being in the past year and a half. Luckily, Reese is cute, or the officer is in a good mood, and I've been issued a warning in 3 of those occasions. The other times haven't gone so well:

- Ticket for doing 72 in a 65. Really, douchebag?
- Ticket for doing 70 in a 35. Yeah, that one stung a bit.
- Ticket for doing 80 in a 65. He was nice enough to drop it to 74 in a 65 on the spot.

After hiring some lawyers and taking a defensive driving course, my insurance has never found out about these tickets. For this, I am thankful. But, let's get back to the 5 mph over situation.....Y'all, I'm doomed.

Zombie Apocalypse

One of the major differences between Texas and North Carolina is the fog. I'm sure it probably has something to do with living so close to the coast, but I have never witnessed anything quite like it. The fog usually comes creeping in at night, blanketing the morning commute to work. One Friday, not too long ago, the fog gave us a double whammy. It was extremely thick in the morning (maybe a half mile visibility), burned off by noon, but then came rolling back in during the evening rush hour.

At first, I was all, "Whoa, look how thick the fog is, it's not even dark yet!" A little later that night I let the dogs into the back yard and made Ben come to the door and look at the fog. "Look, Ben! It's making its way over our back fence!" Due to the size of our back yard, this was a pretty impressive sight. I started to worry that the dogs would get lost in the fog. Everything was calm and eerily quiet, sort of like the calm that comes with the first snow fall. We could barely make out our cars in the driveway. This is when my imagination started running wild.

"Omg, this is reminding me of a horror movie. I half expect zombies at the front door any second." For the rest of the night, every little noise we heard, or anything that made the dogs bark, I'd exclaim, "It's the frickin fog zombies!"

A few days ago, I commuted to work once again with a half mile visibility. Instead of pondering the conflict in Libya or what I should do once I got to work, I thought, "Man, it would suck if there's a pile up due to a zombie eating brains in the middle of the interstate." This is something that never made sense to me in zombie movies. How is it that there are always cars piled up in the roads? How did the zombies get to these people in their cars? All of these thoughts raced through my mind when it hit me: Y'all, we're screwed if vampires and zombies ever mate.